How to help and understand Third Culture Kids

The globalization process in our fast moving world has created a new cast of children, the Third Culture Kids (TCKs). A TCK is defined as a person who has spent a significant part of his developmental years outside the parent’s culture (passport country). The TCK often builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture maybe assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, the sense of belonging is a subject the TCK may experience a lot of confusion about.

The TCKs are raised in a neither/nor world. It is neither fully the world of their parent’s passport culture nor fully the world of the host culture (or cultures) in which they are raised. Some TCKs experience two different worlds simultaneously. Their mother often does not speak the language of the host country, while the home family traditions remain identical to the parents’ passport culture and the TCKs have to face the challenge of adapting within minutes from the home culture to the host country culture- the moment they step out of their house and vice versa. These children have often been described as cultural chameleons.

A major cross-cultural move, leaving behind beloved family members and home, requires an adjustment period even for adults. Yet, it is more demanding for young children whose sense of belonging, identity and basic value system is still under development. In some cases TCKs have been moving from one culture to the next for almost all their childhood, having to say goodbye to friends, countries and cultures they loved, which results in intense feelings of rootlessness and restlessness. In the process, they lose their sense of belonging. By the time they have to repatriate, they feel they don’t fit anywhere. They were seen as different (both physically and behaviorally)in the host culture and had to make adjustments in order to blend in and back in the home culture they feel they don’t fit in either, as the host culture has considerably altered them. TCKs major struggle is finding a sense of personal and cultural identity and dealing with unresolved grief.

TCKs’ parents often fail to recognize the tremendous experience of losses or the anger, sadness, grief and denial that follows. Parents may also find hard to understand, the grieving process their children undergo every time they lose people or things they love, growing up among worlds. However, TCKs seem to feel understood and instinctively connected when they meet each other. There is something about growing up in and among many different cultures that creates an emotional bond that transcends the details.

In order to help TCKs process the changes in their versatile lives, parents can actively listen to them, exhibiting deep understanding, comforting, and empathy. The advantages of the culturally rich lives of the TCKs should also be stressed. They have an expanded view of the world. They have learned how people conceive life, from different philosophical and political perspectives. They not only learn about cultural differences but they also experience the world in a distinct way that is impossible to do by reading books or watching movies. Their experience of diverse cultures and places around the world can be helpful in the global workforce. The adult TCKs often find themselves qualified not only for the corporate world, but also for jobs such as teaching or mentoring. Global awareness, is a major emphasis in universities around the world and adult TCKs are the perfect candidate for such positions. Another, sector their multifaceted experiences will be valued in, is the diplomatic and political arena, especially if they are bilingual as a result of living in a multiple language environment. In many cases adult TCKs have turned their valuable cultural experience and the understanding of the hardship TCKs around the world are facing, into vastly successful careers, by writing books and organizing seminars around the world for TCKs to attend.

In conclusion, as with all life experiences there will always be positive and negative aspects. However, the power lies inside us and is the power of choice. We can choose to focus on the negative and have a cynical view of life or we can choose to focus on the positive and lead a delightful, fulfilling and enjoyable life.

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