The Effect of Cheating in Intimate Relationships

Cheating can cause tremendous pain in intimate relationships and often leads to a break up, or divorce. It is the most common fear that intimate partners experience, especially due to the high percentage of cheating in modern societies. The liberal lifestyle that entails elevated levels of autonomy and freedom, can erroneously be perceived as sexual liberation. Partners often thing: “Why not? I deserve to be happy; and this other person can make me happy”.
On the spur of the moment, partners tend to overlook, or underestimate the detrimental impact of cheating on their partner. The lust along with a false sense of entitlement (prevalent in our societies), often blind the cheating partner who often wakes up to reality and the challenging consequences of their actions after the sexual act is completed.

Although, cheating will bring immense pain to the cheated partner along with suffocating feelings of betrayal, it can often constitute the launch for the healing process for the preexisting dysfunctional relationship between the two partners. I realise that the proposed scenario below sounds like a justification for the cheating. However, it has been proven that people who are unhappy in their relationship will often cheat in an attempt to find love, romance, or purely sex; and flee an unloving, or tense, or painful relationship. It’s a form of escapism, or a cry for help. Additionally, the cheating partner might unconsciously desire to be found out so that the relationship’s dysfunction can finally come to the surface and hopefully be dealt with.

In other cases, cheating can be repetitive and is the result of a personality trait, lack of respect for the partner, or a conditioned act by a cheating parent. In these cases, treatment will be necessary for the cheating partner to change his/her habits and replace them with healthier habits. It would be challenging for the cheater to stop the repetitive, compulsive act of cheating without the guidance of a professional. Such compulsive behavior often stems from immense lack of self-esteem as the cheating partner is desperately trying to find approval in other people through sex. It’s common for people to confuse sexual approval with love; which complicates the motives for the “affair”. Often people who are craving love on a subconscious level are oblivious to this need, and believe they desire sexual satisfaction; which leads them to the wrong decisions/behaviors.

I would like to ask you to reevaluate the popular notion that once cheating has taken place, it will continue to happen. Despite the agonising pain that betrayal can cause, it can be the surprising onset for healing for the two partners. Sexual betrayal can be the symptom of marital, or relationship dysfunction. In some cases, the cheating partner is suffering internally due to lack of emotional connection, support, or sexual alienation (frequently a result of a busy lifestyle, or physical exhaustion during the years of childrearing). I come across clients who realised that they opted for a divorce/break up too fast as they could not forgive their partner, or overcome their anger; and are filled with regret. They frequently reach the conclusion that they had a part to play as they neglected their partner emotionally, sexually, or were too critical and dismissive.

In the event, the cheating partner apologises and acts in a manner that indicates his/her regret for the betrayal, it would be beneficial to attempt to salvage the relationship and rebuild the trust. An experienced counselor can help you identify the root causes of the cheating which can be merely a symptom of the marital/relationship dysfunction. I have worked with couples who were grateful for the cheating after working on reconstructing the intimate relationship and the trust. Couples that follow the counseling process, come to the realisation that their relationship would have failed one way, or the other as they were neglecting each other’s needs, and desires and they had forgotten how to make each other happy.

Although, it sounds unfathomable, cheating can save your relationship, make it more robust, and help partners redefine what makes them happy. Thus, sexual betrayal when treated appropriately can ensure greater life contentment, partner compatibility that stands the test of time. I would strongly recommend exploring the possibility to grow stronger instead of growing apart.

© Maria Micha. All Rights Reserved. All articles and content belong to Maria Micha and may not be reproduced or used without express permission.