Covid 19 and how to survive as a couple

Tension and resentment between partners have been on the rise since the beginning of quarantine and social distancing. Within a few days of restrictive living, the majority of individuals get anxious, irritable, and pessimistic. As a result, conflict is easier to build up and emotional explosions are likely to be manifested. Partners are missing their daily routine that would keep them busy, provide a sense of fulfilment/achievement and physically/mentally tire them. The fatigue of the day would in the past promote life at home to a safe haven where partners would rest, connect and enjoy life’s pleasures.

Yet, the social/professional isolation has deprived couples of the sense of self that emerges at the end of a productive day at work and also through the daily personal attainments (going to the gym, meeting a friend, having a promising professional meeting). Hence, partners are no longer having the outlets to release physical as well as emotional/mental energy. Instead, people are sitting at home contemplating an uncertain future whilst receiving disheartening predictions egarding financial and health issues.

The aforementioned variables often drive conflict, resentment, emotional disconnect, and deep dislike towards the partner. The situation can become more explosive when young children are added to this already challenging concoction of fear, anger, frustration and excessive physical energy.

Here are 10 tips to help avoid the deterioration of your intimate relationship or a divorce.

1. Create structure in your lives at home with your partners (and children). Have a detailed timetable outlining the activities such as waking up time, exercise, daily grooming, cooking, cleaning, children’s homework and entertainment. Your routine in the past would give you a sense of self and self worth. Recreate this dynamic and you will soon feel significantly more in control of your life.

2. When you feel entitled to getting angry with your partner, remind yourself that you are probably projecting on him/her your own feelings of frustration due to the new restrictive living arrangements. Therefore, your anger could be misdirected towards your partner as he/she is a safe base for you (i.e. you believe the partner loves you enough to excuse/accept) your behavior.

3. Use this time as an opportunity to start and complete all the projects that you have been putting on hold. The “wallpaper project for the living room” or the “painting your daughter’s bedroom pink” project or the “discovering your artistic talents” project. Get Creative during this time instead of getting bored and irritable. You could also write a book or a children’s story. We have so many resources online for any imaginative project we get curious about.

4. Dream big with your partner and family members. In the place of rehearsing your anxiety, fears and the predicted doom and gloom of the media, engage in creating the future you desire when this challenging period is over. You can dream big! It takes the same amount of effort to dream big or small. Create your new future of going back to school or change your career or moving to a new city/a new apartment. You can plan your future finances or an online business.

5. If your children are bored then play with them. Pretend you are a young child and enact their favourite movie or fairytale. Utilise your resources at home (clothes, hair accessories, toys). Use your imagination to create a happy and careless world. When we find ourselves in an imaginative state then we can come up with the most Creative solutions for challenging problems.

6. Use your time to meditate. If you have never tried it before due to lack of time, life is giving you the most amazing opportunity to bring your attention inwards. When we meditate we come in contact with our higher self and we can disengage from all fears and worries. Teach your children how to meditate as well and quieten the mind and inner chatter.

7. Choose to believe there is a silver lining in this global crisis. The whole world and every citizen of this planet is having the same thoughts and worries. No one is immune to this health threat. For the first time we are all equal regardless of social/financial status, education or family constellation. If we get united and enhance our empathy for each other then we can change our world to be less selfish, more caring and loving.

8. Be grateful for what you have even if it’s not ideal or what you would like it to be. Be grateful for the people in your life, your job, yourself and everything you have created. Humans have a tendency to always want more. This is an instinct that has driven us to progress from living in caves to living in beautiful modern homes equipped with state of the art technology. However, the more we achieve the less happy we are with what we have as we keep wanting more and more. Find happiness and fulfilment in who you are, who you love and what you have achieved.

9. Replace the irritation for your partner/neighbour/child/family member with love and empathy. Set a particular time during your day where you emotionally go back in time and reminisce of all the good/exciting times. The first date with your partner, how you fell in love, your first year together or the travels you have shared. Remember all the funny times with your children, parents or friends and share these moments with them. Loving or funny memories will bring you closer.

10. Play the Love game. Stop yourself every time you have a negative emotion in your head or heart. Ask yourself how would you react towards your loved ones if the only feeling you could experience was Love. Then act out of this loving state. When you manage to do this, your interactions with your significant others will be altered and your attention will have shifted from fear to hope and gratitude.

© Maria Micha. All Rights Reserved. All articles and content belong to Maria Micha and may not be reproduced or used without express permission.