Infidelity Explained

Infidelity can be a painful and emotionally traumatic experience for all parties involved. It is the leading cause of divorce and separations worldwide. Children, the extended family (i.e. the parents of the couple), as well as friends can be disturbed by the painful ripple effect of infidelity. Children frequently feel that they need to take the side of the weakest, or the strongest parent (especially if the unfaithful parent is emotionally threatening). Likewise, the parents of the couple could experience emotional turmoil as they feel obliged to support their biological adult child whether he/she is the aggressor, or experienced the distressing consequences of the infidelity.

Historically, cheating has constituted a major social taboo, and is condemned by major religions across the globe. However, I have witnessed a significant portion of affected clients processing the challenging emotions, identifying the root causes of infidelity; whilst realizing that it is only a symptom of the dysfunctional dynamic of their intimate relationship. Despite the immense agony that infidelity can cause, it can be the driving force that can set in motion the healing process between the partners; who have strayed emotionally due to childrearing, busy work schedules, routine, or financial problems. Hence, cheating can prove to be a blessing in disguise.

Yet, in modern times cheating can take various forms such as” internet cheating”; where a partner will engage in an online relationship (via texts, emails, or video calls) with a stranger in a different country, or continent. These types of relationships are usually mere infatuations and attempt to eradicate loneliness. Nevertheless, the attempts to find intimacy and love through online interactions are futile and based on the need to escape from reality in what appears to be an innocent/painless method. Although, infidelity over the internet is void of physical contact, it can cause tremendous pain and dysfunction once discovered by the partner. Additionally, the partner that engages in emotional internet cheating can be placing his/her energy on this relationship and not on mending the issues with the primary partner.

Whilst, emotional and physical infidelity is responsible for bringing turmoil in intimate relationships, the era of internet infidelity presents new temptations. It negatively impacts mental health and may even induce health-compromising behaviors in the non-involved partner; which are frequently overlooked, or downplayed by the perpetrator.

Still, the negative consequences on mental health are undeniable. It some cases it may cause depression, unrest, and even anxiety symptoms. Infidelity negatively impacts the longevity of a relationship with 60% of people claiming they would either terminate, or consider terminating, their relationship upon finding out their partner’s infidelity. Although relationships do survive extramarital affairs, they often preserve an overall negative atmosphere and constant sense of distrust that can last for years before it is resolved through couple’s therapy. Counselling, forgiveness, along with a conscious effort to change the couple’s dynamics, can rebuild the relationship.

Although, men have typically reported a higher rate of infidelity, in recent years the infidelity percentage between men and women is rather been similar. The prevalence of infidelity has been seen to be 30-40% amongst heterosexual couples. It has also been found that men and women have different emotional reactions to different types of infidelity in relationships. Whilst 54% of men get emotionally affected and hurt by sexual infidelity, 65% of women tend to experience intense emotional pain by emotional infidelity. Yet, this is only true for heterosexual males and females. On the other hand, homosexual partners appear to experience no significant difference between the levels of emotional discomfort instigated ether by emotional, or sexual infidelity.

Biology can offer an explanation to the rather high percentage of infidelity amongst couples that share loving feelings and are committed to each other. Science has concluded that 97% of mammals are not monogamous. Hence, it is unclear if monogamy in humans is a social/religious construct, or biologically determined; considering it holds little evolutionary basis. Could we conclude then that monogamy is a human choice? It is possible that being faithful to an intimate partner should be considered to be a personal choice guided by self-respect, love, and the need to protect the partner as well as the family from tremendous emotional pain, and feelings of betrayal? Despite the fact that genetics suggest a lack of basis for monogamy, research suggests that remaining faithful is an indicator of happiness and satisfaction in intimate relationships.

Works Cited
Abrahamson, I., Hussain, R., Khan, A., & Schofield, M. J. (2012). What Helps Couples Rebuild Their Relationship After Infidelity? Journal of Family Issues, 33(11), 1494–1519. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X11424257

Balon, R. Curr (2016) Is Infidelity Biologically Determined?, Sex Health Rep 8: 176. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11930-016-0084-z

Benjamin Warach & Lawrence Josephs (2019) The aftershocks of infidelity: a review of infidelity-based attachment trauma, Sexual and Relationship Therapy, DOI: 10.1080/14681994.2019.1577961

Brandon, T .McDaniela, Michelle Drouinb, Jaclyn D. Cravensc (2017) Do you have anything to hide? Infidelity-related behaviors on social media sites and marital satisfaction, DOI: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2016.09.031

Frederick, D.A. & Fales (2016) Upset Over Sexual versus Emotional Infidelity Among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Adults, M.R. Arch Sex Behav 45: 175. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-014-0409-9

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