How to survive the holidays

The holiday season is associated with joy, family reunions, celebration of the new, and emotional bonding with our loved ones. The media, Hollywood and family traditions reassure us daily that all we should be experiencing during this time is endless happiness and sweet anticipation.
However, for a significant number of people the holiday season is loaded with overwhelming anxiety, dread about not meeting immediate and extended family members’ expectations as well as the inevitable comparisons amongst the progress of family members. In some cases, the simple question: “How are you doing?” Is bringing up fear of rejection, discomfort, or panic. Family members who are going through a transitional phase in their lives (i.e. job change, job loss, financial challenges, struggling to fall pregnant, or experiencing issues with adolescent children) are often terrified of facing relatives during family reunions as the comparisons with more successful individuals will be hurtful.

Although, comparisons and criticism are intrinsic traits of human existence as they can be the driving force of progress, they can also be detrimental when people lack the strength to expel the devastating energy these traits can bring in our hearts. The reality of life is that we cannot change others unless they want to change themselves. Hence, we need to rely on our own resources to deal with the potential criticism and comparisons during family gatherings. In the event, we can master our emotional response to criticism and rejection, then we will be able to enjoy the connection with our loved ones and celebrate the new energy in our lives.

A few tips to turn the overwhelming negative anticipations to the joy of connectivity and togetherness:

1. Feel good about yourself.
   If you are in a transitional phase, or have experienced a setback, accept this is s step to success. There is a lot to be learned from unsuccessful attempts. Absorb the lesson and incorporate it into the next successful phase of your life. See yourself as being in an intellectual and emotional incubator. During this phase you are getting stronger. You are not failing.
2. Eleanor Roosevelt said: “no one can make you feel inferior unless you give him your consent”. Refuse to give your consent to feel inferior as a result of what your relatives have expressed. Their intentions are not necessarily malicious. In some cases people believe in motivating others through derogatory comments or comparisons (especially in the Asian cultures). This method is rarely productive with most individuals. Yet, try to not assume that your relative had the intention to humiliate you. If you give in to this belief, you will only hurt yourself by feeling unloved; which will be piled on top of your potential feelings of inferiority. Be kind to your relative, you don’t owe him/her an explanation and refuse to absorb the meaning of his/her opinion.
3. Choose to spend your time with your positive and caring family members.
   Exercise togetherness with the people who care for you and comprehend your struggles, successes, and life phases. You don’t owe your time to the more negative relatives who have a tendency to criticise, or humiliate others. Try to be polite and kind in your engagement with them but keep it as long as you feel comfortable.
4. Embrace the new energy of the season.
   Welcome in your life the energy of hope and love. Receive the love your family members are willing to give you. Love sometimes is hidden well, underneath bravado and big egos. Yet, you will be able to find it, if you don’t get disappointed, discouraged and opt to give up.

You can enjoy the festive season even in the face of adversity. Life is what we make it to be. The power lies within YOU.

© Maria Micha. All Rights Reserved. All articles and content belong to Maria Micha and may not be reproduced or used without express permission.